So....this post is NOT about melons. Stop right here if you don't want to hear about mommy-hood in too much detail or are not interested in my breastfeeding habits :)
Today is the day I eliminated our mid-day nursing session and it totally threw me off. I was so worried about how she would feel, if she would notice, if I needed to make up the bonding time in some other form, if I was getting her enough fluids and nutrition, but I realized I should think of myself just as much.
i love breastfeeding.
It is one moment in my day where the two of us can sit quietly. She snuggles up to me, I watch some of my recorded shows, and I can breathe. I'm not cooking, cleaning, chasing, playing, teaching....I'm just taking care of my baby in the easiest most natural way.
I'm not in a hurry to wean her and I'll probably keep my morning and night nursing for another month or so....ugh....but the thought of it literally makes me nervous and sad inside.
I'm not sure if it's the reality of her growing up, if it's my selfish relish of quiet, if it's the niavete of feeling like I'm giving her nourishment better than her beets, avocado, and apricots (my milk is basically water at this point)....I can't put a finger on the reason for my feelings and maybe that in itself is what is so unsettling.
heck. maybe it's all of that.
This is the first time in my time as a parent that I'm feeling anxiety about a choice. And I hate it. But at the same time I don't want to breastfeed for another 6 months...it has to happen somehow I suppose.
Boo hoo.
2 comments:
I love you Kristina! I was totally excited to see what you were doing with watermelons. haha I was still interested to see what you had to say about breastfeeding. I feel ya. I remember breastfeeding being not so fun when I first had Porter. But by the end of his first year, I remember being a little sad when I was weaning him because I liked it toward the end and was sad to give up that time. I think you worded perfectly how I felt too.
Well, it is bittersweet, but at least you are ending on a good note, befor she learns to be pushy and vocal. I loved nursing lyla, spenc not so much... Especially when by 12 months he would squeeze my breasts and shout boobah!
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